Thursday, May 28, 2009

Bigfootage (Blobsquatch)


More than most any other kind of dubious/authentic footage, the sightings of the Sasquatch are the stuff of goosey imagination. Allegedly purchased at a yard sale in 1977 or something, this blob that walks out of a field, turns around and walks back in is shrouded in groovy mist, with decomposing nitrates and blobs of Stan Brakhage-ish emulsion. As we strain in the fog to see the outline of what looks like Joe Pesci in a big overcoat, we realize it could be just about anything... including the legendary primate known as Bigfoot, but probably a lost farmer... with stubby arms!

Focusing on the "found footage" phenom in and of itself, I dig these little clips as they are part of an ongoing mystery that has plagued/blessed mankind since the dawn of time, when sleestacks once made merry on the minds of Chakas and time warped Aryan families from beyond the centuries (in Land of the Lost see photo at above right).

While some of us fringe dwellers consider alien tampering with prehistoric life forms all but proven empirically, there are still a few "logical" types for whom a 1970s TV show doesn't count as "proof" anymore than the strange similarities of Egyptian and Mayan pyramids (which would be unnoticeable without an airplane), even though it is more far-fetched to presume such things coincidental.

Watching with an open mind a piece of Rorschach footage like the above is to imagine all sorts of things, and that's part of the appeal. Of course I loved THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT for the same reason; the way the paranoid mind needs to discern animal or human shapes in the bushes when under duress; we're hardwired to pick out hostile shapes in the shadows of leaves and vines, and when our circuits are frazzled, we see these shapes appear everywhere, we see the outline of a monster in the shadow of a bookcase or the laugh of an evil uncle in the fizz of a late night alka seltzer. In a society where we're determined to overdo and over-label every new exciting development until it's old and stale, we need indecipherable scripts and puzzling objects, things that actively resist interpretation. Without unexplainable demons in the night to be afraid of, our fear cannot find a screen on which to project and then it filters amorphously through the minutiae of your life, blackening all it touches.

The idea isn't to prove the existence of the Sasquatch with this video but to see what might be just a foggy picture of a lost dude through the eyes of a newborn spirit, one unmarked by the enslaving blinders of scientific deduction and rational language. When we can behold not just "blobsquatch" but all natural phenomena with the awe and reverent mystery they deserve then, my friends, we are not so much gullible as enlightened! Ask not for what the bell tolls, as Stan Brakhage well knew, the Bigfoot toe's for thee. Dog Star power activate!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

A Sorry READER: Following the Oscarbait Rules (RAUBER-ACHTUNG! )

Finally got to viddy Winslet hunching her shoulders like an iron hausfrau in that bourgeois omnibus THE READER, so without further ado: The Oscarbait Dozen, a handy checklist of things Oscar-hungry actors look for in their star vehicles:

1. Nudity/Sex: The most important thing to capture bourgeois attention
2. Guilt: The second most important thing, inevitably following sex and lasting much, much longer
3. Nazis: A hot topic only a uniform and chunk of archive footage away 
4. Reticence: Let all characters have trouble expressing their feelings, and make whole scenes drag on where you want to just jump out of your seat and scream "Just tell her already!"
5. Missed appointments: The former lovers must never see each other again; there can however be several near misses to drag the film's running time past the two hour mark, such as THE READER's torturous scenes of our gloomy little law student "almost" speaking up on behalf of his ex-lover, and "almost" coming to visit her in jail.
6. Old age make-up - story should span at least 20 years, allowing for the wearing of old age make-up and adaptation of different mannerisms on behalf of the would-be nominee.
7. Warm, natural Light - Every scene should reek of craftsmanship, at no time should we not see our characters bathed in unusual light, the way the prison window filters the sunlight onto Winslet's rheumy blue-silver eyes when she's an old woman, etc.
8. Sublimation - Ultimately the love must be sublimated -- into music, art, writing, or in the case of the READER, books on tape.
9. Absolution - The protagonist must seek absolution, usually by confronting some demonic stand-in.
10. Death - The best way to atone for your sins is to kill yourself, usually with a long note read in voiceover by the protagonist.
11. Period Detail - Even as scenes flounder with tongue-tied monosyllabic lawyers (was there ever really such a thing?!!) every aspect of set design, costuming, hair etc. should perfectly embody the time period.
12. Helicopter Score - Let no scene go by un-heightened by grandiose orchestral flourishes.

What is the moral of THE READER? If the SS had books on tape would they have been nicer? Did Auschwitz happen just because a few Nazis didn't know how to read? Any clear-thinking audience member will grasp within the first half hour the clues that Winslet's good German is illiterate and just like Isabelle Huppert in LA CEREMONIE, willing to kill to keep it a secret (or in Winslet's case confess to SS war crimes)- yet we're supposed to anguish over her illiteracy with our dumb young Aryan protagonist lawyer who just smokes and acts sullen rather than speaking up and then blames everyone else when things occur without him.

One can see where the book (which I haven't read) would undoubtedly delve deeper into issues that become mere lip service in the film: the way we have no way of knowing which of the events in our present will seem important in the future; the notion of responsibility to the past, etc. etc. But if anyone's to blame for fogging our window into the past its craftsmanship tripe like THE READER, wherein through solipsistic alchemy a memory of sexual awakening with an older woman can turn into a lifetime of personal/social-historic guilt, the icing on the bourgeois sex cake.

Just as Winslet accepts responsibility for the holocaust because she's too shy to admit she can't write, so too is Ralph Fiennes, (supposedly a lawyer) so sanctimonious he can't admit that sometimes sex can be just sex. So he had a good time once with this older woman, maybe loved her, but so what? Why is that more important than any other first heartache? Why can't she decide for herself if she'd rather keep her illiteracy a secret to the grave? Does not being able to read preclude you from being able to make your own life decisions, however seemingly immature?

When we begin to realize we don't have to waste our lives pining, we start to become adults. We learn to let go of obsession like a balloon letting go of its anchored string. The smart poets all know that just because a lost love appears rose-tinted through the glass of intervening years, and the pain is urgent and profound, doesn't mean it's worth wallowing in, worth wasting the 'now' for. Pine into your notebook on lonesome summer nights if you want, but don't delude yourself that it makes you a noble person. If anything it just shows you're still a teenager.

The ego, like the bourgeoisie itself, seems only capable of devotion when its object is safely contained in the past, in prison, on an opposite coast, or a gilded frame on the wall. It's fine if you prefer long distance relationships but when you expect our empathy over your situation you should bring something to the table other than your dime store martyr hand-wringing for "the one that got away." We've all been there, and in the end all you prove by your devotion is your lack of self control and that you've never gone to a therapist for longer than a few months... and should.


The most offensive part in the whole film, to me, is when Fiennes brings Winslet's little can of money over to the surviving Jewish writer victim (Lena Olin, the only logically behaved character in the film), her attitude is why the fuck should I care? Indeed, a sane person shouldn't care about these juvenile little gestures... and the horrors of the camp have obviously burned away her own girlish longing, or any trace of the naive self-righteousness still blazing through the saline murk of Fiennes's vacant eyes. He looks at Olin--his eyes welled full with puppy dog tears--and the camera, which has whizzed past everything else in rapid edits, finally decides to pull up a chair and let the scene drag and drag. Look! Fiennes' eyes are cloudy like Winslet's were a few scenes back! He stares at Olin as if she will buckle and give him the Holy Grail to stop him from throwing a tantrum. His silence in the scene presumes he thinks his teary blue eyes are speaking volumes... it's like he's daring you not to care. I for one am proud to join Lena Olin in accepting that dare.

The question is of course how are we supposed to feel about this scene? I haven't read the book like I say but I can't imagine there's not some opening towards feeling ambivalent about his behavior here, but after sixteen layers of craftsman play up the 'feels' of it all, there's no doubt the director is dragging the stare out to give the whole theater time to sob. If they had any minds of their own, they'd use it to wretch, and loudly march to the exit.

P.S. This is not an indictment of Winslet's excellent work--which raises mere Oscarbation into something more like real sex, I'm just once again attacking the subtextual implications of bourgeois-back patting / craftsmanship pictures and how they work to reduce, label and signify, burying what might have worked as tiny details--where we're allowed complex impressions--under so much perfect art direction, costume design, sound design, cinematography, acting, music composition, framing, and set decoration--that the tiniest little inhale/exhlale screams resounds triumphant as a grandiose celebration of--not just lungs, and oxygen--but of people, love, and everything that makes us human. I.e. the movies.... about reading.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Girl Men Fought Dragons For


The amazing time capsule Girl on a Motorcycle (1968) comes out this week in a new DVD release with an awful front cover (how can you have a dull front cover for a movie about Marianne Faithfull in hot leather? Apparently the DVD people found a way, below left).

But not to worry, you can have your mind blown by all sorts of beautiful pictures and text blurbs at Kim Lindbergs' amazing CINEBEATS: She has some good stuff on Jack Cardiff and the soundtrack as well Here is a very telling quote from Alain Delon on Marianne Faithfull:
"She is a happening all to herself. She is the type of girl men fought dragons for in mythology, the type that duels have been fought over."
Yes Mr. Delon, she's pretty awesome... even to the point--as Lindbergs notes--of later attacking you in her "Song for Nico" for your deadbeat treatment of your and Nico's son... via song!

With her flawless compositional eye, chthonic feminist drollery and ear for juicy dirt, Lindbergs is the perfect guide for this and all the other stops along the Girl on a Motorcycle magical mystery trip. So check CINEBEATS out here!

Monday, May 18, 2009

QUE EL GRANDE ES DEL TEMPLO del SCHLOCK Y DOS HERMANOS MACISTE!


When someone can do a blog that's both "Adults Only" and mega-watt trash-art yet tasteful as in not "venom est"-type A, then you have to subscribe instantly. And that site would be the amazing Temple of Schlock.

The Maciste Brothers' site, Destructible Man, is bizarrely focused--but not to the exclusion of other things-- on the use of dummies in films. It shocks in the best possible way because the more the site delves into dummies being killed in film, the more your own life seems to slip into a twilight land of zombies and fleeting shadows of para-dimensional entities. Somewhere out there, we're the dummies, Mike. The dummy, man, it was us... all the time.

Each site manages to conjure that hard to duplicate experience of being a child and kind of afraid/fascinated by the newspaper ads for drive-ins and adult theaters back before video. The sizzle not the steak was how David Friedman famously put it. Now the kids all get steaks just by clicking a button, so just hearing about and seeing posters of the sizzle is no longer the giddy charge of spook show jouissance it used to be. And that's sad because as Lacan points out in his discussion of the objet petit a, the more grounded and happy individual is the one who realizes that it's the sizzle not the steak that matters in life, the sickly thrill of Xmas eve dies in the morning, so if you don't want to be sad simply never open your presents! The Macistes and Temple of Schlock are here to bring the sizzle back. In their hands movies are dangerous once more, even if the only ones who really get killed... are dummies. VIVA MACISTE! They are both also very good for celebrating noted 1970s cinematographer B-days and obits. Stick around and learn sompin bout pretty pitchers... of hot legged hussies in boots of Spanish leather and straight blonde hair.
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