Because the screen is the only well-lit mirror in town

Sunday, July 29, 2012


Tiffany Bolling--70s genius. A mix of Jane Fonda's doll-faced freneticism and Sharon Stone-cut malevolence, Bolling's beauty, acting and sheer screen presence elevate near any project, no matter how low it started.

TRIANGLE (1970), for example, would be some unwatchable dreck if not for Bolling's luminous presence and strong acting as the fiery private school heiress mating in loose dance orbits with bland hunk new teacher Paul Richards. It would be against the rules of the school to act on his weakness for her, and besides he's also caught the lascivious bisexual sculptor art teacher's eye, and is so dopey he can't pick up the signals. I assumed the two men were shacked up in the shadows that the DVD print lost to some queer projectionist's private reel or burned by hateful rednecks --1970 was still a fashionable time to be homophobic. I'd think all that except for the luminous presence of Bolling and a wild grape stomping orgy at the local vineyard, the sole moment which might give the film the 'psychedelic' tag that first drew me to Netflix it.

The film really meanders until that orgy, but after is pretty dead on. Dr. Paul is sent to rescue Bolling (the cops were friends of her late father) and he does, but rather than go back to the school they spend the rest of the night wandering in the woods and love blooms betwixt them. The big issue for hunky male educators everywhere: is it better to give in or resist when some unstoppable nymphomaniac keeps hitting on you?  Refuse and they could get their hell hath no fury scorn on and spread rumors you hit on them, but if you do submit, they could 180 on you and start crying afterwards and in hindsight who knows what they might say? You could be part of some mad cycle where they seduce strange men and then say they were taken advantage of, But wouldn't it be worth it if they were as mind-meltingly hot as Bolling? What about if she really needs a friend, one who'll give her the warmth of human contact and an orgasm to prevent her from suicide? It's only our ever-shifting moral compass that, lately, damns these sorts of things when they're as old as education itself. Without our current stigma, who knows what benefits might accrue if hunk teachers and hot co-eds shacked up right and left? Or not... Bolling's seductive allure, those crazy curves, can make normal sane men very irrational, and lead them straight to death or worse.

What makes me want to descend so deep into this film is of course Ms. Bolling. She's a hot cross in looks between Jane Fonda and Sharon Stone but where Bolling comes into her own is in the way she lets that kind of doll-faced poise go as needed, busting past the limits of acting (the need for 'sense memory' immersion that bogs down 'serious' actresses) when needed to crash through the gutsy drive-in trash operatic plate glass, the kind of limit-busting that makes Quentin Tarantino write your name down on his arm in the drive-in dark. Could she play Shakespeare? Don't ask me. But could Meryl Streep or Fonda deliver the goods like Bolling does in BONNIE'S KIDS (1973)? Hell no. If Bolling and director Arthur Marks had made BARBARELLA I'd bet you my bottom dollar it would be as beloved as FLASH GORDON (1980) is today.

There's another TRIANGLE out there, so don't get confused. This one is from 2009, a weird mix of GHOST SHIP meets Poe's classic short story, "Descent into the Maelstrom." In this one a yacht full of himbos, beeyatches, and one slightly skittish blonde deer-in-the-headlights single mom of a kid with some undiagnosed mental illness (who she leaves "at school") pass through a strange electrical storm off the coast of Florida (circa the Bermuda Triangle from which the title springs) and wind up on a seemingly abandoned cruise ship. It would be wrong to tell you anything more, except that it plays nearly nonstop on Showtime Extreme, and it's the kind of film you can come in on anywhere, over and over, without knowing the plot, and it only fits the metatextual oomph of the proceedings to a Golgothian T.

But Bolling ain't in it. So let me just say by way of a Bolling bio that she rose to fame via a spread in Playboy, which she's since lamented as pigeonholing her as a sex symbol instead of an actress. To me, and no doubt Tarantino, too, she's better than an actress... she's nothing less than a psychotronic goddess.

Especially in BONNIE'S KIDS (1973) --"Thank God she only had two"-After QT's praise of it I was expecting streaks and flecks and scratches like any drive-in print but instead it's on a beautiful anamorphic DVD from Dark Sky. The image has probably never even looked this good before even back in the day. Equal to Bolling and the image quality is the wild roster of character actors and a witty script along the lines of Elmore Leonard / FOXY BROWN.

Bolling plays KID #1, Ellie. Her kid sister Myra is played by a gorgeous youth named Sharon Gless (who looks a lot like my cousin, if you're keeping score). The widescreen frames the sisters; long legs as they luxuriate across vast expanses of 70s furnishings while everyone else, including a rich, closeted lesbian-- drool and all but lean on our shoulders and whistle.  Meanwhile, the stepdad has just about had it and drinking whiskey to bolster his courage makes an ill-advised move.

Said move is so ill-advised he winds up dead and the girls take it on the lam, hit up a crime boss model agency uncle and start posing. Bolling is on unrepentant greed mode, hijacking a package her crooked uncle asks her to deliver to a dimwitted detective (Steve Sandor) enslaved against his better judgment to comply by those heavenly legs and flawless middle and lovely hair, and eyes, and lips; who can resist her? I once dated a girl like this and she derailed my entire life before taking off and leaving me in the dust. It was worth it then and it's worth it now to see Bolling pull the same crap on the guy who harassed Stacey Keach in THE NINTH CONFIGURATION!

Tangential highlights include Casey Adams (The square Cutler in NIAGARA) as a grinning traveling salesman "on an expense account," the short skirts and 70s decor; and most of all the swell rapport of the two guys chasing them, played by Alex 'Moe Green' Rocco and smoothly-suited Tim Brown. "Hear that Eddie? The girl said she's out of coffee" Their rapport is so funny, scary, and KILLERS-ish it inspired that of Jules and Vincent in PULP FICTION!

BONNIE'S KIDS is so good, in short, it has me dutifully poring through the whole oeuvre of not just Bolling, but Arthur Marks as well. In a great director bio video from Elijah Drenner (on the BONNIE DVD) we learn of a hard-to-find gem called THE ROOMMATES (PS - since seen! Go here) and an all-but lost 1978 film called WONDER WOMEN. You can try to get into Al Adamson or Ted V. Mikels if you want, but it's a grueling uphill hike. Go for the guide who knows what he's doing, Arthur Marks, and sled with Bolling straight to Hell.

PS -  she had a guest spot as a crazy snake charmer yogi in Charlie's Angels!
PPS - Check out this great 1991 interview with Bolling, reprinted over at TEMPLE OF SCHLOCK!


  1. "She's got a face that recalls Jane Fonda at her hottest, and some of Fonda's..."

    what? You're killing me here!

    I kid. Good profile of one of my favorite ladies.

  2. Sorry Marc! Thanks for pointing that out. It's been one spacey summer

  3. Anonymous30 July, 2012

    THE CANDY SNATCHERS... see it now!


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