Friday, July 13, 2007
I was a kid in 1980 when the first Friday the 13th came out in theaters, and it was a tragic fuckin' time in cinematic history to be 13 years old and already a squeamish feminist. I grew up a horror fan, but more of the classic monsters variety, and frankly the whole murders for the sake of murdering thing scared me in a sort of pretentious "I fear for our common humanity" sort of way. I was a 70s guy. I dug the ladies, and here the ladies were getting chopped up, and the whole groovy yellow submarine was sinking.
If you too were a kid in the 1970’s then you likely remember how pervasiv classic horror and science fiction was. Old movies were always on local UHF TV, FAMOUS MONSTERS OF FILMLAND was sold on every newsstand. CARRIE, THE OMEN and SUSPIRIA may have been the hot topics on the playground; when being R-rated meant something truly terrifying and forbidden. UHF classic horror was a constant, like the radio, comforting. DRACULA immunized us to real fear, such as we got from hearing about the R-rated films. As kids we saw the adults do all sorts of fun weird stuff--drugs, swinging-- and none of it was considered "evil." Scary, yes... but in an exhilarating, life-affirming way. Even those R rated films were ultimately outside our realm of true understanding, and therefore life-affirming. The first of the modern slashers, HALLOWEEN, was still that way, but it's open ending left a never-healing wound. After it infected horror stopped being sexy and started being ugly. The slasher wave crushed the sex wave underfoot, and sex’s mangled corpse washed up in the surf. Standing demurely atop that corpse, like Venus on the half-shell, was hockey-masked conservative, Jason Voorhees.
With Jason Voorhees and the slasher cycle we were forced to see that true terror lay not in the supernatural of our UHF TV creature features but in its opposite... in the bland tedium of a world without "magical thinking." Not having access to free love (due to AIDS panic) made people spiteful. What was Jason but an early and earthy version of Ken Starr? The 1970s free love folk thought they had permanently killed off the knee-jerk repression of the 1950s, but here it was, back from the grave and staggering around with a hacksaw. When John Lennon was shot the same year FRIDAY came out it was the last shot, free love froze in its tracks and slunk home, suddenly realizing they had left the kids in the microwave without a babysitter. The neo-counterculture was born. People had failed the test (everyone else, not us). "No" become the new yes. No to drugs, no to sex, no to drunk driving, yes only to survival in the most mundane sense.
To this day I have seen only a few slasher films, though I love almost all other horror sub-genres. I’m disturbed and a little depressed by the slasher cycle, to be honest, especially as I've been educated to see them all as misogynistic, foolishly thinking this would get me girls. Though as I write this I begin to see that my distrust of slasher films really a lot less to do with my hatred of misogyny and frat boys and more to do with the creepiness of the moment in time when they were all the rage in theaters and I was a depressed virgin. If I'd have gone with a date, or a pack of friends, maybe I could have figured it out, but just the way they talked about the murders of these girls made me want to never be friends with anyone at my school.
America was only beginning to homogenize itself at the time; the whimsical eccentricities of “Main Street” were just beginning to lose out to the pre-fab sterility of “The Mall” and I (like all good Americans) embraced the ensuing ennui and depression. The economy soon grew dependent on our newfound addictions, we drove long distances to get stuff cheaper at giant outlets rather than bike to the mom and pop grocer. But if there were no sidewalks anymore, if parents have to be hanging around we may as well get them to buy us comic books and Atari and then lock ourselves in our rooms and slowly gain weight and suicidal ideations.
Nowadays it's all but unthinkable, but In the 1970s kids of any age ran loose all over the neighborhood. If you were old enough to walk you were not only allowed to go off on your own and explore as far as you could walk, you were often forced to do so, not allowed back in the house til dinnertime. In the 1980s that freedom was removed thanks to hysteria over pedophiles and sundry other neighborhood menaces played up by news headlines and TV's America's Most Wanted. For some of us, it was the answer to our prayers, even though our prayers led us to become couch potato hysterics.
Along with the slashers, AIDS and the shooting of Lennon came the national furor over sexual molestations at day care centers, outrage over drunk drivers and just say no to drugs. Parents stopped going out. We barred the doors and windows. For us kids old enough to remember how cool things were just a few years earlier, the sense of despair was sudden and unrelenting; it arrived with all the force of a second national puberty. It felt right to be doing this, curtailing our liberty... it felt safer. Jason Voorhees sprang form our forehead fully formed, not as a golem-like avenger of the unjustly persecuted but as a manifestation of the egoic infantile rage we'd been suppressing in favor of groovy vibes and love and tolerance. Suddenly there he was, like Walter Pidgeon’s Monster of the Id in FORBIDDEN PLANET or the kids in THE BROOD. Uncanny...
Of course this rotten state of affairs didn't last. The story has a happy ending. The internet! Mac notebook computers! DVDs! It's a cool world. The slasher film now provides retro delights for fun, brilliant writers like Stacie Ponder at Final Girl. I became a rock star in 1987, sobered up in 1998 and now live happily ever after until 2012. Time heals all wounds! What goes around comes around, so can a second summer of love be lurking right around the corner? I believe it can. And if Richard Beymer was here, I'd ask him to sing "Who Knows?"
So what’s the future of horror? What new bloody thing can Jason do? I’d like to leave you with the idea of death coming full circle and horror movies going through the carwash of the abyss and coming out about the dawn of life instead of onset of death. Imagine FRIDAY THE 13TH PART XX: JASON THE MIDWIFE! Picture Jason delivering babies! Gore in reverse! A slew of baby-delivery horror films -- FX shots of placenta becoming a standard "money shot" for every horror film, along with c-sections, torn vaginal walls, umbilical cords covered in alien slime… Jason grabs his mighty garden shears and severs newborn popular kid from his cozy womb of nonexistence. Another kid born screaming into this world of garden tools and tooth decay.
Do I sound crazy? Crazy like an undead cannibal fox!